Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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