I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
