I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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