I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
