Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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