Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
