i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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