Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
