what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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