Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
