i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
