sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
