I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
