Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
