I hate your face
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
