The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
