the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
