My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
