we have officially lost it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
