Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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