If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
