I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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