who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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