awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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