P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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