Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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