i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
