My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
