the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
