I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
