So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She even gives head with a lisp.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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