i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
