the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
