So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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