The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
