Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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