We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
