I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
