The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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