does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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