Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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