I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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