Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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