We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
