Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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