I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
