Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
