Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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