if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
