My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
