At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
