omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
