her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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