Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
