Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We need to get me chipped asap
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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