another moral hangover. fuck.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I AM VODKA MAN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
